The Life of Neko Hanataro
by Mr. Hourglass
Summary: Boredom... Something that does not fit well with Shinigami. So what happens when a certain Fourth Division member gets involve in an event that changes his life forever? One giant mess that leads to some funny events.
1. Chapter 1

**After reading this story called ****Chronicles of a Catboy, I got a plot bunny(thanks to Dragon Silhouette for telling what the hell was the thing in my head that wouldn't leave me alone) and it wouldn't leave me alone so I had to write this. Not completely sure that I'll make it into an official story though.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything! **

Chapter One: Beginnings

The aftermath of the war with Aizen was rather... dull. While the shinigami were sad over Ichigo losing his powers, they knew that they had to move on with there lives. Of course this was the Seireitei home to some of the most powerful, and craziest, beings alive so bored did not fit well with most of them.

But who to think that Yamada Hanataro of the Fourth Division who is easily ignored by nearly everyone in Seireitei would be involved in one of the biggest events in history.

_12th Division Research and Development Institute _

"Damn it!" Mayuri yelled slamming his fists down on his keyboard, his lieutenant and daughter standing quietly behind him. The reason for Mayuri's anger was the numbers on his screen that shown his current budget. "At this rate, I'm never going to be able to conduct new experiments with this stupid budget restricting me!"

Nemu stood silently as her father paced back and forth, talking to himself. "The only ways for me to get a decent raise is to either beg Yamamoto," Something he wouldn't be caught dead doing. "or make a deal with the SWA." Which is like making a deal with the devil, those women could even scare him into submission especially Nanao after she scared him off one meeting.

"And I can't take some money from the SMA, that well is already long dry." True to his word, the SMA were already dead broke and enjoying a very cheap lunch of rice and fish.

He tapped his fingers on his keyboard thinking of ways to get some money without publicly humiliating himself or making a deal that could easily back fire on him when he suddenly thought of something.

"Nemu!" He turned to his daughter. "Isn't the SWA trying to find a suitable mascot for them?" She nodded, a bit confuse on where he was going with this when he laughed madly and spun back to his computer. "I can finally use THAT project. Oh but I need the perfect test subject one that will be too weak to resist but strong enough to withstand those women." Typing on his computer he brought up the medical records of every shinigami alive.

He went through medical records of every shinigami in Seireitei and, after a little over an hour, found the perfect subject which he smiled evilly at the picture.

On the screen was a picture of Yamada Hanataro.

_With Hanataro _

The small Shinigami himself was enjoying a homemade lunch underneath some trees on the Fourth Division Grounds. It was a nice day since so far no one from the eleventh tried to beat him up, helped his captain with some patients that needed his Zanpakuto abilities, and managed to walk ten feet without tripping.

_'A new record!' _Hanataro thought happily as he munched down on his homemade sushi. Once done, he cleaned himself and collected his mess before throwing it into a nearby trashcan. He then walked home, remembering that Captain Unohana told him to enjoy the rest of the day off however he didn't notice the pair of eyes that followed him from a distance.

His home was a simple one, on the outskirts of Seireitei, it was difficult to find unless you knew where to look. His house was a simple one, with four rooms(a bedroom, rest/bathroom, living room, and a kitchen) with enough room for a home garden and he kept some chickens around for fresh eggs. Taking off the key around his neck, he unlocked the door and walked inside into the living room which was bare except for a shelf with books, a red couch and a small table in front of it.

He looked up at the painting that he and his brother painted on the ceiling and smiled sadly, remembering it as the last thing him and his brother did together before he died.

Blinking away tears, he went into his room to change into some work clothes and went into the kitchen, taking the small bag of chicken feed from the cabinet from there, before going outside. Chickens quickly gathered around his feet as he threw around there daily food before closing it and going to his garden which was around the back of his house.

It had several rows of vegetables within a unique kido he made himself that allowed only a certain amount of rain and sun onto the plants and kept away pests from them. It took him a while to get it right but it really paid off in the end as his garden was growing well.

Taking a small basket, he went between the rows of foods taking the ones that were ready for picking and soon enough he had a full basket of fresh tomatoes, onions, peppers, and other delicious healthy food.

He went back inside, taking the bag of feed as he did, and put the vegetables in the fridge and chicken feed into the cabinet and looked at the clock, seeing that it was already five thirty, an hour and a half since he came home.

_'Times flies when your working.' _He thought as he laid down on the couch, staring at the painting on the ceiling before closing his eyes for a nap, unaware of the next time he would wake up, his life would be changed forever.

_12th Division _

Mayuri smiled as he made the careful changes to the sleeping boy. It would take a full night for the transformation to be complete but at least he'll finally have a larger budget once he offers him to the SWA.

Oh all the experiments he could do with a better budget and best of all, he didn't see a way for this to backfire on him.

In the Fourth, Unohana sneezed.

_Much Later _

Hanataro groaned as he slowly woke up, feeling cramp all over. _'This is the last time I fall asleep on the couch and why is it so dark?' _He tried to sit up straight only to bang his head on something above him. _'Why the?' _

He felt around, feeling that he was in some sort of box and that he was moving.

_'Whats going on?' _

_The Next SWA Meeting _

"This meeting of the Shinigami Women Association is now in session." Nanao said, banging a gavel as everyone took a seat. "We will continue last week's topic, our mascot for the SWA."

Soifon was the first one to speak. "I still say we should use a black cat as the mascot, it would represent everything great about Yoru- I mean women."

"For the last time Captain Soifon, your attempts to make Yoruichi as the mascot will not be allowed. Anyone else?" Nemu was about to speak when every women, aside for Yachiru, yelled.

"NO!" The last time she offered a mascot, it scarred almost everyone for life.

"Let me rephrase that, does anyone here have a mascot that doesn't involve us being scarred for life or idolizes someone."

The meeting room was silence, excluding the sounds of eating as Yachiru consumed the candy she brought, as they thought of an suitable mascot. Its been like this for the last two meetings everyone putting there ideas for a mascot but no one had an idea that agreed with everyone.

The door was then open and the person that came in was Mayuri pushing a large box in front of him. "Hello everyone I see that you still haven't decided on a mascot yet. Good good."

Nanao fixed her glasses so that it caught the light, giving off a dangerous glint. "Captain Kurotsuchi I thought that I told you to never come back here again."

"But I have a great offer for you all, its your new mascot." He opened it and everyone, beside Nemu and Yachiru, took cover remembering the last time Mayuri had offered them something, it blew up right in there faces.

"KITTY!"

A cat? That's his offer to them. Everyone carefully moved from there covers and all the women's eyes widen when they saw not quite a cat but not quite a person being cuddle by the little pink hair girl. After a second of shock, most of the SWA, with the exception of Isane who was still staring at the person in shock, as if connected by a single mind thought one thing.

_'Mine!' _

_Hanataro POV _

Light pushed the darkness and Hanataro slowly came out of his confinement in case something could attack him and heard a familiar voice yell out "KITTY!" and for some reason hugged him. Looking at Yachiru, he saw her happily hugging him as if her life depended on it.

"Uh Lieutenant Yachiru what kitty are you talking about?" She simply began to pet his head and he purred as his tail swished back and forth in pleasure.

...

Wait purring? Tail? When did he even have a tail or purred like a cat. Running a hand through his hair, he found ears somewhere ears shouldn't normally be and then finally took notice of his surroundings or more importantly the women, even Nemu, that were giving him a hungry stare.

_'Does life love to make a joke out of me?'  
_

**And that is it for now, the next chapter should be out soon. Please leave a review and read the story I stated above. Its funny as hell but with some spelling errors.**


	2. Chapter 2: HE'S MINE!

**Here you go chapter two and before you ask how'd I updated this story so fast, its because I already had this ready to post, just needed to make some changes.**

Chapter Two: HE'S MINE!

"Hanataro! What happened to you!" Isane yelled, finally breaking out of her shock and running over to catboy and pulled him out of the box. Hanataro had black cat like ears onto of his head that twitched at her yelling and a black tail that moved slowly moved back and forth behind him and his eyes seemed larger than before.

"I-i-i d-don't k-know!" He said, getting a good look at his tail and attempted to pull Yachiru off him but to no success. "L-last I r-r-remember I was in m-my house, t-taking a n-nap."

Mayuri laughed as he stepped beside the confused catboy. "As you can see, I modified his DNA and include some cat DNA along with some of there natural abilities and interests." He produced a ball of yarn out of his sleeves and threw it on the ground and half a second later, Hanataro attacked it. He knocked it around the floor meowing as he did and almost all the women awwed at his cuteness.

Isane, however, was another story...

In an impressive and surprising display of anger, she went right up to Mayuri and slapped the 12th division captain right in the face. "You maniac! Just wait until Captain Unohana hears what you did to Hanataro!" She went and grabbed said person on the back of the robes and dragged him to the exit, the catboy making earthshattering meows as he did.

Mayuri rubbed the spot where the lieutenant slapped and sighed. "I kinda of hoped that she wouldn't do this but," He turned to his daughter. "Nemu code blue!"

The girl quickly pulled out a dartgun and shot Isane in the neck, making her crumble to the ground and Hanataro went back to attacking the ball of yarn.

"Now I believe that you want Hanataro as your mascot and I'm willing to give you him," Mayuri said to Nanano as she kept her stare on Hanataro. "If you allow me a bigger budget, I'll give you him. Also if you wish to exploit him for money in anyway, I wish to have 50% of the profits."

Nanao finally turned to him. "How big of a budget?" He pulled out a contract out of nowhere. "Sign this and I'll get a 75% increase."

"You'll settle for 45%."

"How about 60% and I'll throw in a collar that allows you to track him." He held out said collar and a remote. "Its completely unbreakable and can track him anywhere, either in Seireitei or The World of The Living."

"... Deal." She grabbed the contract, made some changes, and handed it back before taking the collar and remote. "Now get out."

Mayuri smiled. "Gladly." He ran out laughing madly while saying all the kinds of experiment he could do and closed the door behind him, leaving Hanataro to his fate.

For a minute, no one said or did anything aside from Hanataro who was still attacking the yarn but Nanao then went to him and grabbed his hand, pulling him to his feet and putting the collar on him. "Now our new mascot will need to be properly prepared for the photo shoot so I'll take him to my division to get ready."

She quickly made her way to the exit as her thoughts ran wild. Finally she was going to have her very own Yaoi pet and she almost drooled at the thought of all possible pairings.

However she was cut off by Hinamori who grabbed Hanataro as they passed by her seat.

"I don't think that will be a good idea Nanao since Captain Konmamura is right next door," She said standing up and all but ran to the door. "He'll be must safer with me. Oh! I mean at the Fifth Division." It seems that both of them forgot that he had his own division as Hinamori went to the door thinking of all the ways she could train Hanataro to be the perfect boyfriend.

Hanataro could have protested but his thought were occupied on getting back to that ball of yarn and attacking it.

She was then blocked by Nemu who stood in front of the exit. "Actually since Mayuri-sama made him, that makes him property of the 12th." Despite having the emotions of a computer, they could see a slight blush on her cheeks as she quickly grabbed Hanataro and ran out of the door. Once she took one step outside, however, she was pulled back in by Soifon.

"Hold it, I think you idiots are forgetting a certain law." She said throwing Nemu back into room and into Hinamori while hugging the equally size Neko Hanataro. "Are you forgetting Law 13 in which any and all black cats found in the Seireitei are to be sent to the Second Division and by all means," She pointed to Hanataro's black ears and tail. "He's a black cat so I'll be taking him with me."

Her voice may have been emotionless but they could see a blush on her cheeks and heard her saying under her breath as she went to the exit. "I'll raise you as the son of Yoruichi-sama and me. You miss mommy don't you? Don't worry, Yoruichi-sama will be back and we'll be a family."

This time Matsumoto ran to her side, pulled Hanataro from her grip, and pushed her into Nanao. "Hell no, this little cutie is coming with me." She then pulled him into her chest, making him blush an atomic red.

Now Hanataro was a boy but a very shy boy and being so close to a woman's chest was almost too much for the poor boy to handle.

Yachiru, who let go after Hanataro attacked the yarn, was watching the entire scene with a dangerous gaze. Unlike the older women, her thoughts on Hanataro was innocent and pure and didn't view him as one of the perverted, or odd, dreams come true the older women saw him as. No her thoughts on the Nekoboy were childish and only saw him as a giant kitty.

However that didn't make her any less dangerous and possessive of him.

With a battle cry of "MY KITTY!" She tackled Matsumoto, dragging Hinamori and Nemu into the brawl and soon enough Nanao and Soifon joined in the cloud of fists. Hanataro was sent flying after Yachiru's tackle and fixed himself in midair and manage to land on his feet ontop of a desk.

The Nekoboy blinked, wondering how he managed to do that when he could barely walk ten feet without tripping over himself. _"I modified his DNA and include some cat DNA along with some of there natural abilities and interests." _

_'Right and cats always land on there feet.' _He thought as his attention turned to the cloud of fist and felt fear creep into his being. Most men would have found women fighting over them a dream come true but Hanataro saw it most as a nightmare come to life if what those women were going to do what they were saying once they got there hands on him.

Seeing the exit, he quietly made his way to the door and would had made it if he didn't pass the ball of yarn and let out a "Meow!" He slapped his hands on his mouth but it was already too late as the fight stopped and they all looked at him.

"Kitty-chan is getting away!"

"Get him!"

Hanataro quickly ran out of the door at speeds that surprised even Soifon.

"... Are cats that fast?" Hinamori asked aloud.

"Maybe or that is just Hanataro's natural speed." Matsumoto said.

The women's minds and hearts united into one sole purpose of getting there Nekoboy back so they could do what they wish with him and they ran out of the room, each heading in different directions.

None of them noticed, however, was Nanao's smirk or the remote in her hands.

_With Hanataro _

The Nekoboy ran for his life as he heard women's squeals of delight as he ran pass them and dodged there attempts to grab him. _'Why does life seem to love making a joke out of me?' When did all this craziness even start?' _

A memory of Ichigo and Ganju taking him hostage flashed into his mind as if to mock him.

_'Okay forget I asked.' _

He made a turn, hit what felt like was a wall, and fell on his butt. "Owww." Suddenly he froze at the sound of growling and slowly looked up at what wasn't a wall but Captain Konmamura.

A lot of things scared Hanataro but the growling, bared teeth, and the crazy look that appeared in the tall Captain's eyes made his top ten of scariest things that ever happened to him.

_'Does a god or goddess up there hate me or something?' _

**And that is it for now, I hoped you enjoyed it and leave a review!**


	3. Chapter 3:Tossed Around

**Welcome to Chapter three of this story! Now beware for the randomness!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

Chapter Three: Tossed Around

Seireitei was home to many strange things. Seriously, Mayuri once walked around with four arms and six legs due to the result of a failed experiment and Kyoraku was so drunk once that he went around wearing a thong and confessing his love to random men.

But seeing Hanataro, with cat ears and a tail, being chased by a growling Konmamura who was running on all fours and trying to take a bite out of Hanataro truly took the cake of being the weirdest site of the year.

Of course it wasn't weird to Hanataro, it was bloody terrifying.

He turned a corner and ran down it only to see a deadend approaching but he knew he couldn't stop since Konmamura was right behind him so he jumped over the wall and kept running. That, however, didn't stop Konmamura as he ran _through _the wall, drool falling from his fangs and a bloodthirsty howl escape his mouth that made Hanataro run even faster.

Hanataro could feel the ground shake as the captain got closer and felt the air around his tail become warm by the breath of Konmamura. _'Oh god, I'm dead I'm dead I'm dead!' _

However someone decided to throw him a bone... literally!

Faintly hearing someone yell, "FETCH!" He saw something white fly through the air and caught the huge captain's attention as he ran after it. Hanataro then turned to his savior and saw Lieutenant Iba running to him but stopped as he got a closer look at his appearance.

"Yamada-san? Why are you-" He was cut off by a crack from the bone as Konmamura snapped it half, making Hanataro pale. "Never mind! Lets get out of here before my captain finishes that bone."

The two ran away from the scene and after a while Iba said, "Sorry about this Yamada-san." A swift chop to the neck and Hanataro saw darkness a second later.

Iba threw the Nekoboy over his shoulder and quickly ran into a nearby restroom kicking several men out once he was inside.

_SMA HQ _

A splash of water woke Hanataro up and he jumped ten feet into the air and, thanks to his now sharp nails, latch onto the ceiling. Looking down, he saw Iba holding an empty bucket.

"Sorry about that Yamada-san but you wouldn't wake up." The Nekoboy jumped down and landed gracefully on his feet. "And I'm sorry about the knocking you out thing. I had to make sure that the SMA HQ remains a secret to any nonmembers."

Hanataro blinked and looked at his surroundings. "Uh L-lieutenant Iba? T-this is a r-restroom." True to his word, the two were currently in a restroom that had a table and some chairs around it

"No its the SMA HQ."

"...A-alright then." Hanataro said, wondering when the last time the man had a physiological test. Iba fixed his sunglasses and decided to get to the point. "So Yamada-san could you tell me why you look like that?"

He then explained everything that had happened to him from the beginning and Iba face turned into a frown. "I see, at first I thought that was just a really good costume," he tried to fiddle with one of Hanataro's ear but quickly drew his hand back as Hanataro snapped the air where his hand was. The boy blushed and quickly said sorry.

"But now I see the bigger picture here, the SWA wishes to gain the upper hand on us men and we must do everything we can to stop them." Hanataro let out a sigh of relief, thinking that the lieutenant was going to protect him from the crazy women.

"I'm sorry once again, Yamada-san, but I have to chop off your ears and tail."

Oh how wrong was he!

"What!" Hanataro exclaimed backing away from the man as he drew his knife. "I-isn't th-that g-g-going to h-hurt me? I t-thought you w-were going to pr-protect me?!"

"Sorry Yamada-san but the future of the SMA must be protected as well and as a fellow man, I'm sure you understand." He got closer to the Nekoboy, his knife gripped in his hand. "Don't worry this will only hurt for a few minutes and no doubt you will lose your hearing when I cut off those ears but I must do it for the sake of the SMA!"

He jumped and slash at Hanataro's ears but thanks to his catlike reflexes, he ducked under the blade and Iba cut the water pipe. Suddenly a jet of water burst out and hit the lieutenant right in the face and sent him flying into a wall.

Seeing as his only chance to escape Hanataro ran for the exit, receiving a cut on the cheek when Iba threw his knife at him, and ran like hell as the crazy lieutenant summoned a Hell butterfly telling his members what to do if they see Hanataro before running after the Nekoboy.

Hanataro ran on all fours this time for more speed and it appeared to be working as Iba was still a good distance away even with the use of Shunpo and, turning a corner, he ran into someone.

"I'm s-so so-sorry!" He said quickly getting up but then froze in fear as he heard a familiar voice say. "Its okay my little pet." Eyes shaking in fear, he looked up and saw Nanao who glasses were giving off an evil glint.

Before he could escape, her arms wrapped around him and pulled him into a hug. "I knew I would find you first Hanataro. Now lets go back to my division where we could-"

"Hold it right there Nanao!" She was cut off as Iba appeared in front of them, his knife in his hand. "As a man, Hanataro is officially part of the SMA, not your weak excuse for a club!"

She narrowed her eyes at the man and pulled Hanataro behind her while still keeping a tight grip on the boy to keep him from escaping. "First off, my club is far more successful than yours Iba-san and second Captain Mayuri gave us Hanataro as a exchange so really he belongs to us."

"Still he is a male shinigami so he belongs with his own people!" Nanao's glasses gave off a dangerous glint but Iba stood his ground...

Then he fell to the ground unconscious thanks to a heavy book that Nanao threw so fast at him that neither male was able to see it move through the air.

"Now that problem is taken care of, lets go to my division." She said with a smile, holding Hanataro in a hug and walking away.

_SWA Meeting room _

Isane began to wake up as the effects of the sedate wore off and sluggishly opened her eyes, only to close them shut from the bright light. She then attempted to get up only for a hand on her shoulder to keep her down and she faintly heard someone saying something.

"Umm could you repeat that? I didn't get that." Suddenly she smelt something that made her nose crinkle, recognizing it as smelling salts and slowly opened her eyes again.

The first two sights that greeted her was the Kuchiki siblings, one looking at her with concern and the other with his usual emotionless look.

Rukia gave the salts to a servant and said to her. "Isane are you alright?" The tall woman nodded her head and asked, "Water please." A cup found itself in her hands and she drank it all in one gulp.

Taking the cup away, Byakuya told her. "Isane-san I'll tolerate you all using my house as the SWA HQ but I will not stand for you using it as sleeping quarters."

"Sleeping quarters?" She repeated him as she tried to remember what happened before she was knocked out and her eyes widen when she did. "Hanataro is in trouble!"

"What!?" Rukia asked/yelled at her exclamation of her friend. She and Hanataro had lunch together every now and then, which always had heavenly food, and even helped her and her brother with there new hairstyles.

Isane explained everything she could and ran to the exit with the two nobles following her. Running beside her, Byakuya said. "I don't think the SWA would do anything to harm Hanataro." While not knowing the boy as much as his sister did, he did see Hanataro as a friend especially after he helped with his new hairstyle...

That and he tried his cooking before and it was much better than anything his cooks can make. Not that he'll admit that aloud.

"No but they will try something else, the look in there eyes made me positive of that." Isane ran ahead of them. "You two look for him, I need to find my captain!" The trio split off in different directions to search for the Nekoboy.

_Eighth Division _

Kyoraku thought he saw all the most terrifying things life has to offer in his time as a shinigami. He seen old friends die at the hands of hollows and shinigami alike, family die of old age or sickness, and even stumble upon Yamamoto in his birthday suit once!

But no what he was witnessing was far more terrifying.

"Come on Hanataro just smile for the camera!" Nanao said with tissue up her nose and a camera in her hands while Hanataro, who was wearing a maid's dress and his face a color red that could make a tomato jealous. He gave a nervous smile and a flash later, he was hiding his face behind his hands.

While this was certainly strange, it wasn't the thing that scared him. No it was two things that was scaring him into a heart attack.

One was that the office was completely turned into a mess with the desk, chairs, and everything else piled into one corner and paperwork was scattered on the floor. Something that his beautiful lieutenant would never do!

Two was that fact that he thought Hanataro actually looked _good _in that maid's dress. His cat ears were pressed against his head in embarrassment and his tail was hiding itself from view. He mentally reminded himself to drink into a coma to forget that thought.

Hanataro peeked out from the cracks of his hands and asked. "N-nanao c-c-can I p-please g-go?" The glasses wearing woman felt more blood rush to her nose but thankfully the tissue kept it in. Once she forced Hanataro into that dress, she was shocked that he looked good in the dress, better than her in fact.

"Just a few more costumes then I'm done." She went to a closest and opened it revealing several more women clothing and, to Hanataro's horror, she pulled out a pink nurse's outfit similar to the one's the Female Fourth Division members wear at the hospital. She turned to him with an evil smile that made Kyoraku give a quick moment of prayer to the poor catboy. "Now lets try this one."

As she got closer Hanataro walked backwards until his back hit the wall and just as he submitted himself to his embarrassing fate, someone yelled. "How dare you use him for such perverted things!"

Everyone in the room looked at the window to see Soifon entering the room. "I never took you as a pervert like your captain Nanao-san." She appeared in front of Hanataro and got into a fighting stance.

"I am not a pervert, I just like certain things." Nanao said as she dropped the nurse outfit and drew her blade from her sleeves. "Now please move Captain Soifon or else."

The smaller woman stood her ground so Nanao attack with speeds that caught even Soifon offguard as she quickly blocked Nanao's blade with her own. She then kicked the glasses wearing woman in the stomach that sent her flying back and jumped after her. Nanao, however, quickly recovered and threw several books at the Captain who turned in midair to avoid them.(Of course, they kept flying and knock Kyoraku unconscious when he reacted a second too late.)

However, while they were fighting, Hanataro found his clothes and ran out of the division and changing in an alley. _'That's better.' _He peeked out of the alley and, seeing no one there, he made his way back home as quickly and quietly as possible.

After a couple minutes of avoiding well everyone, he thought. _'Just a few more miles away and I'm back home.' _However he was quickly hit with a binding Kido and fell backward toward the ground until someone caught him.

"I have you now," Shaking in fear he looked up to see the evil grinning face of the fifth division lieutenant. "my little boyfriend."

**Poor poor Hanataro. From a shinigami that people barely knew to being the center of attention, both good and bad, and getting into crazy situations. Until next time!**


	4. Chapter 4:All Out Brawl

**Hello everyone! I hoped that you enjoyed the last chapter and here's the new one! Also Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! **

Chapter Four: All Out Brawl!

Captain Unohana sighed as she finally finished her paperwork for the day and poured herself a cup of tea. Not a lot of things were happening that was interesting except that Hanataro and Isane didn't come in this morning.

_'I wonder if something happened to them,' _She thought as she drank her tea. _'I'll check up on them when I get the chance.' _

However that chance happened to be now as she heard shouting, crashes, and yells of sorry before someone barreled through her door, revealing to be Isane.

"Captain *gasp*" She said, out of breath before quickly regaining it. "Hanataro is in trouble!" Unohana's smile disappeared and she motioned for her lieutenant to sit.

"Tell me everything Isane from the beginning." The tall woman left no detail out as she explained what happened to Hanataro and once she was finished, Unohana was silent.

She cared for Hanataro greatly especially since he was one of the most loyal shinigami she seen in her division... Well that and his cooking always sent her taste buds into heaven.

The fourth Division Captain then stood up. "We must find him before they do something to him." Isane nodded her head in agreement and followed her captain out to look for the little Nekoboy.

_Fifth Division Hinamori's Room_

"Okay Hanataro what do you say to a woman when she greets you?" Hinamori asked Hanataro who was currently on a leash... no seriously she attached a leash to the collar around his neck and was keeping him from running. He didn't mind though since she wasn't trying to do anything crazy except as a few questions.

The questions were all about what to say or do when your with a girl and, while Hanataro didn't have a girlfriend, he did know what to say to make them better because his mother pounded manners into him.

"U-uh..." Hanataro thought about this for a couple seconds, his tail scratching his head that made Hinamori want to squeal at how cute he looked. "O-oh! H-hello a-and may I s-say h-how beautiful y-you l-look today."

Hinamori smiled and held up a raw fish. "Correct and here's your prize." She gave the fish to him and he devoured it in less than a minute. Looks like Hantaro could eat raw fish now and she wondered what else he could do.

Hanataro, however, was thinking that at she wasn't trying to eat him or force him into something embarrassing but the leash is kinda of weird.

"Okay what do you say if your going away for a while from your girlfriend?" Hanataro had puzzled expression on his face as his ears twitched. "Oh! D-don't w-worry b-because n-no matter the d-distance, I-i'll build a b-bridge between the g-gap that s-separates us."

The Fifth Division Lieutenant blinked once, then twice and three times before gaining a light blush. She honestly didn't expect for him to say something so... romantic.

_'That must have been just a fluke.' _She thought as she handed another fish to Hanataro. _'But just to make sure.' _"Okay Hanataro one last question and you'll get this entire bucket of fish. You ready?"

The Nekoboy nodded his head and she said. "Give me a compliment." Hanataro blinked and slightly blushed but he really wanted that fish so he dug deep and found the perfect one. The one that his mother told him that will make any girl's heart swoon with emotion but it had to be done right. So he mentally prepared himself and started by cupping her chin.

Hinamori was caught off guard as Hanataro lightly grabbed her chin and was forced to meet his eyes that seemed so deep now.

"You are so beautiful that even goddesses found themselves jealous of your beauty. So pure that even in the darkest hole that the light that is your heart shines brightly. So wonderful that even Death would kill himself just to spend a day with you."

The fifth Division Lieutenant was completely and utter shocked and amazed into stunned silence and barely heard Hanataro say, "U-uh H-hinamori-san? C-can I have t-those f-fish now?" She barely felt herself nod and hand over the bucket which Hanataro then quickly began to devour with glee, totally unaware of what he just did to the romance book reading shinigami.

"Hanataro," Said Nekoboy looked at her, a fish tail sticking cutely out of his mouth. "Do you know how to pleasure a woman?" He sucked the tail in and nodded but Hinamori only shook her head, her hair concealing her eyes.

"No I mean do you know about sex?" Hanataro then gain a blush that would make a tomato jealous and shyly nodded. He knew of course what sex is, it was actually a requirement to learn what it is in the Fourth before you official joined. "But do you know how to pleasure a woman while doing it?"

"H-hinamori-san w-w-why a-are you asking s-some l-like that?" She then raised her head, revealing that her eyes had gained a slightly crazy and hungry look in them that sent shivers up Hanataro's spine. "Because I am going to teach you how today!"

She then tackled him to the ground and all but ripped his robes open to reveal his scarred chest. "H-h-h-h-hinamori-san! P-p-p-please s-stop!" Hanataro begged. Just when he thought he finally got a break from all the crazy things that were happening today, he accidentally woo a girl so much that she wants to have sex with him.

"Don't worry Hanataro, I promise I'll be gentle." Although he highly doubted that thanks to the look in her eyes that seemed so similar to a certain captain that was hell bent on taking a chuck out of him a while ago.

Said captain sneezed as he tried to sniff out the accursed cat that dare invade his territory with his Lieutenant and Kira behind him, both of them wearing sunglasses and shirtless for some reason.

Just as Hinamori was about to ravage the poor Nekoboy, the two heard a bang and a second later, Hinamori was pinned to the wall inside a net from the netgun that Nemu was holding. "You will not harm the subject Lieutenant Hinamori in any way possible."

She then effortlessly picked up Hanataro holding him underneath her left arm and jumped out the window, the Fifth Division Lieutenant yelling some rather... colorful things about what she'll do to Nemu once she gets her hands on her.

"Man..." Shinji said as he rubbed his forehead as he sat in his room and still heard her yelling despite there rooms being on the opposite sides of the division. "First I get a lieutenant with a god complex and now I have a crazy obsessive one. Why do I draw in the crazy lieutenants?"

_With Nemu and Hanataro _

"N-nemu-san w-what are you g-going to d-do t-to me?" Said shinigami simply looked down at the Nekoboy she held as the two ran across the roofs of houses. "I will keep you safe from harm and study you for scientific reasons." Hanataro sighed, it sounded a little weird but at least he wasn't about to get raped.

"For example, I wish to see how flexible when we have intercourse together." Nemu had a slightly blush on her face but Hanataro's red face could be seen for miles.

...Well it looks like that Hanataro is one unlucky(or lucky if you wish to call him that) guy.

"**Crush Gegetsuburi!" **Nemu then quickly dodged a spiked ball from the Second Division Lieutenant Omaeda who was wearing sunglasses and shirtless. "Nemu by the order of the SMA, I demand that you hand over Hanataro!"

Nemu's response was to drop to safely drop Hanataro and draw her blade to disable the man in order to proceed on. Neither of the two noticed Hanataro climbing down a pipe that lead to the ground and ran as fast as he could.

After a while, he found himself in a deserted alley with some discarded boxes. _'Why can't I have a normal day for once? Is that too much to ask?' _He thought as he sat on one of the boxes and began to think of a way to get to his house unnoticed.

_'Something simple but effective.' _He then looked down at the box he was sitting on and suddenly smile, coming up with an idea.

_With Rukia _

The petite woman was currently shunpoing through the Seireitei, keeping an eye out for her friend. She knew how dangerous the SWA are whenever they want something and would stop at nothing to get it. She already checked the eighth division and found that the captain's office was in ruins with Kyoraku being in the center of it and she already went passed the fifth and heard Hinamori yelling some creative choice words as she did.

_'Who knew that she knew that many swear words.' _Rukia thought. _'Although by the sound of it, I guess that Nemu has Hanataro now. I hope he's alright.' _

However something made her stop in her tracks as she caught something out of the corner in her eyes and stared at it in disbelieve. A small cardboard box was slowly moving and the Shinigami who walked passed it didn't even seemed to notice it.

Rukia got closer to the box and lifted it up to found it was none other than... "Hanataro!" However she noticed that there was several things different with him and couldn't help but stare at the cat ears and tail he now had.

Hanataro on the other hand was ready to run if he needed to and the thirteen division lieutenant saw that he was ready to bolt at a moment's notice.

"Don't worry Hanataro, Isane told me about you being in trouble and I'm here to help." He visible relaxed as he stood up but flinched as Rukia gently rubbed his ears and resisted the instinct to bite her. "Sorry I wanted to see if those ears are real."

Rukia then placed a hand on his shoulder and prepared to shunpo only for Hanataro to suddenly get grabbed from her grip. "What the!?" She turned to her right and saw Matsumoto stick out her tongue before Shunpoing out of sight with Hanataro under her arm.

Matsumoto laughed as she ran from Rukia who was giving chase but she had a decent lead. "Once we lose her Hanataro, we're going to have some fun!"

Hanataro would have responded but eating all those fish and going at high speeds a few minutes later wasn't a good idea as he tried to keep his lunch from coming back up.

The Tenth Division Lieutenant then felt something or someone trip her feet and proceeded to tumble and roll for several feet, letting go of Hanataro as she did, before falling coming to a stop, dizzy and hurt but not seriously.

Hanataro was then helped to his feet by Byakuya. "T-thank y-you Captain B-byakuya." The captain merely nodded his head and turned to address his sister as she came to a stop before them. "Lets get him back to the Sixth before-" He was cut off as a second later Hanataro was snatched up again.

"You won't get my Kitty!" Yachiru yelled as she ran with Hanataro above her head but then he was grabbed again by Soifon who had several cuts on her uniform and a shallow one on her cheek. "He's mine!" As she ran, Hanataro couldn't but help and heal her cut on the cheek, getting a smile out of the Second Division Captain.

"Ah thank you Hana-kun. When we get back home, I'll make sure you stay safe." She turned a corner only to slam into Konmamura who howled at finding Hanataro and, after the Nekoboy hissed at him, ran after him while the SMA that recently arrived, excluding Ukitake, tried to catch him.

At that the entire SWA, besides Unohana and Isane, clashed with the SMA and Konmamura. Kira fought with Nemu who was avoiding his blade that was in its shikai state, Soifon made sure that Konmamura would focus on her instead of Hanataro by kicking his nose which worked, Matsumoto fought against Iba who was doing his best to avoid the ashes that was her blade, Hinamori was beating down Hisagi, and Omaeda and Iemura were dueling with Yachiru and Nanao who had her uniform torn in several places but was still good enough to fight.

It was an all out brawl that the two Kuchiki siblings couldn't help but stare at with Rukia's face one of disbelief while Byakuya only showing his surprise with his mouth slightly opened.

"I can't believe this..." Rukia said as she watched the chaos and then noticed one important thing missing. "Wait a minute where's Hanataro?"

Apparently her question was heard by the fighters as all of them stopped as one and looked around for him. Nanao then fixed her glasses despite it having one side cracked.

"I can answer that. He's..." She checked her sleeves only to find nothing and looked around for the remote. "It must have dropped while I was fighting! No one move or else you might-"

***CRACK* **

"step on it..." Everyone stared at Omaeda's feet which under it was the remote now broken and uselessly. Iba then turned to his captain who was sniffing the air and growled. "That way!" The large captain ran to his right while the SMA, SWA, and the Kuchiki siblings followed him to find Hanataro.

_With Unohana and Isane _

"Are you sure he'll be here Captain?" Isane asked her captain as they walked to Hanataro's house. The house itself was modest with a large enough yard for space and a garden from where she could see was growing rather well. "And are those Hanataro's plants?"

Unohana nodded her head. "I'm sure he'll be here Isane, not a lot of people knows where he lives and yes those are his plants. Hanataro has a skilled hand when it comes to gardening." Once they reached the door, Unohana check the knob and seeing that it was unlocked, walked right in with Isane following her.

The house was the same as it normally was but one could see some footprints that led to a room and they followed it to see that the blankets on the bed was shaking slightly. Isane let out a sigh of relief as Unohana went up to the blankets and pulled it off, making Hanataro throw his arms up to protect himself.

"Please don't hurt me!" He yelled but lowered his arms when he saw who it was. "C-captain?" Unohana nodded her head as she observed Hanataro's new appearance. While he did look unbelievably cute, he looked like hell just ate him and spat him back out as his clothes were a mess, dirty was in his hair, and a small cut was on his cheeks.

She ran her hand through his hair, making him purr and said, "Don't worry Hanataro, we'll get you somewhere safe and I believe I know just that place."

_Later Urahara's Shop _

Very few things can make Kisuke surprise nowadays but seeing the Fourth Division Captain appear in the middle of his shop with her lieutenant and a Nekoboy behind her caught even him offguard. Then before he could even ask why they were here, Unohana gave him her dreaded smile and kindly ask if Hanataro could stay at his shop for the time being.

He said yes of course, after all who could say no to her?

**That is all for now! Please leave your thoughts in your review and thank you again!**


	5. Chapter 5: Catnip

**Welcome to the fifth chapter of this story! Sorry if this one seems a little rushed but I was up late trying to finish this and I REALLY need some sleep. So enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own everything times zero so that equals to nothing. **

Chapter Five: Catnip

It was a normal day within the Urahara's Shop... ah who am I kidding, the day that something normal happens in that place is the day when Aizen admits that he's not a god. Anyways on with the program.

"Oh your so cute~" Yoruichi said as she scratched Hanataro underneath his chin, making him purr and lean onto her hand while Kisuke watched with an amused expression. It had only been ten minutes since Hanataro had arrived and once Yoruichi saw him, she took to him like a cat to catnip and he seemed to enjoy the attention he was receiving if the purrs were anything to go by.

Yoruichi's hand then went to the back of his neck which made him arc so much that he fell onto his back with a confuse expression on what happened that looked adorable to the dark skinned goddess.

She then blurred out of sight for a second before reappearing with a fluffy cat toy in her hand.(You know that little stick with some fluffy stuff at the end, its that.)

"Eh? Yoruichi where'd you get that?" Kisuke asked as she made Hanataro bat at the toy. "Found it." She held the toy higher which made Hanataro get up to his knees and bat at it, completely focus on nothing else but the toy in Yoruichi's hand. When she held it out of his reach even when he was standing, he jumped up at it but missed when she pulled it out of the way and flawlessly landed on his feet when he came back down.

Kisuke smiled behind his fan. "I guess even Nekoboys always land on there feet." Hanataro was momentarily confused until Yoruichi waved the toy in his face, making him focus and chase after it as the purple hair woman ran around the shop holding it behind her from him to catch. The two ran around the shop, jumping over or onto tables, chairs, until Hanataro finally caught the toy, bat it to the ground and watched it, expecting it to move again.

Yoruichi laughed as she made her way to Hanataro, scratching between his ears and getting him to purr again. "I haven't had this much in months, I wonder what else can he do?"

"I wondered as well so I sent Tessai to get someone for me," He looked at the clock in the room. "He should be back within the hour so I guess we have to wait a bit longer."

_Seireitei _

It was a well known fact that Shinigami, despite fighting, arguing, and trying to kill each other on a daily basis, respected one another's privacy.

... That was not happening right now in Hanataro's home.

"Who knew that Hanataro was an artist." Rukia said as she and the SWA stared at the ceiling of Hanataro's living room with Nemu taking pictures of it saying 'butter' with each click. The ceiling was painted to look like the night sky with dozens of stars appearing and a beautifully painted full moon in the middle of it all.

Of course the SMA didn't like staring at such 'womanly things' and looking around for anything that could interest them with Byakuya being the only reason why they weren't ransacking the place.

"I must admit that he has a hand for gardening as well. Those plants outside look very healthy." He committed looking out a window that had a good view of Hanataro's garden.

Iba turned to his captain who was outside the doorway due to him being to big to fit inside the house. "Captain, have you got Hanataro's scent back yet?"

"No something messing with my nose and-" He suddenly felt to the ground holding his ears as everyone heard a faint hissing sound. Once it stopped, they heard a very familiar voice say, "I believe that you all have some explaining to do."

Everyone slowly turned to see Captain Unohana walking out of Hanataro's room with an unconscious Mayuri in her grip, his face having dozens of bruises and bumps. On her face wasn't her usual smile but one that mothers gave to there kids when they expect a full explanation of what happen.

_Urahara's Shop _

"I'm back Kisuke with the items you asked for." Tessai called out as he walked into the shop with a large bag and was greeted with the site of Hanataro on his hands and knees being petted by Yoruichi between the ears, purring in enjoyment.

Kisuke went up to him, took the bag, and pulled out a long plant that had greyish-green leaves, white flowers that were finely spotted with purple. Yoruichi saw the plant and said, "Kisuke what is that?"

The blond man grinned and waved said plant around. "This, Yoruichi, is Nepeta cataria or more commonly known as catnip and I want to see how Lil Hana there will react to it." He walked closer to the boy who Yoruichi was still petting and held it close enough for Hanataro's nose to catch the scent.

Once he did catch the scent, he stopped purring and got closer to the plant in Kisuke's hand before batting it to the ground. He then held it between his hands and began to lick and chew on it, making Yoruichi slightly worried for him. "Hey Kisuke is it alright for him to eat that?"

"Don't worry, the plant isn't toxin to humans just causes a slight numbing effect and I half expected him to do this."

"And the other half?" Kisuke hid his grin behind his fan once more. "To hiss and scratch my hand to get the plant." The two then heard him purring and saw that his eyes had a gazed over look in them. "Well this is unexpected, it appears that his reaction to catnip is the same as cats would be." Before anyone could ask what he meant by that, Hanataro suddenly began jumping around the store, on top of shelves, the table, chairs, and even hanging onto the ceiling for a while.

The trio watched him bounce around in silence before Yoruichi broke it. "Never thought that I see the day when someone gets high on catnip." She shot a hand out and grabbed Hanataro by the back of his robes and began to pet him again, making him calm down.

Kisuke scratched under Hanataro's chin as Yoruichi scratched between his ears again. "Neither did I but don't worry, the catnip is completely harmless to both humans and cats so nothing bad is going to happen to him."

"Hey Kisuke I got an odd job like you said!" Jinta yelled as he walked into the shop while holding onto the leash of a huge Rottweiler. Said rottweiler took one look at Hanataro before barking madly at him and breaking out of Jinta's grip, rushing toward the Nekoboy. Hanataro, seeing the dog coming at him, hissed, jumped up into the air, grabbing one of the ceiling lamps, and swung himself over Jinta's head and out the door.

The rottweiler turned and made chase to him but was stopped when Kisuke got a hold of the leash and Yoruichi punched Jinta right on his head. "You idiot! Why do you even have a dog anyways?"

Eyes filled with tears of pain, he pointed at Kisuke. "He said that if I wanted to by a new game system, I have to find another job to pay for it!"

Yoruichi shook her head. "Great, just great." Kisuke handed the leash to Tessai and said, "Don't worry Yoruichi, we can find him before he gets hurt."

"Kisuke we have a Nekoboy high on catnip running around a town that is normally filled with hollows and you think that he won't get hurt."

"Yes now lets find him before Unohana gets back." Suddenly Jinta and Yoruichi gained frighten expressions as Kisuke felt someone behind him before losing his smile and closing his eyes. "She's... right behind me isn't she?"

_With Hanataro _

_'I feel great!' _Hanataro thought as he ran across the rooftops of buildings and thankfully he was still in his Shinigami form so no one could see him. _'Although I kinda feel numb right now.' _He jumped into an open window of a hospital and began to run around while meowing, causing both patients and workers to look around for the source of the sound but found nothing.

He went into an office and tripped, dodging a glowing arrow. Ryuken narrowed his eyes at Hanataro. "Who, or what, are you Shinigami?"

Hanataro's response was to meow at him before jumping onto his desk and patting Ryuken on his head, making his eye twitch. "How dare you Shinigami." He fired several more arrows at him but Hanataro dodged and weaved the arrows as he ran around the room on all fours before suddenly running toward him. Ryuken was caught off guard by the sudden move that he missed several more times before he was flipped over when Hanataro bowled him over and jumped out a open window.

He continued to run over several houses before yawning and rubbing his eyes cutely. _'I'm so tired now.'_ Looking around he spied an open window, went into the house, and seeing a couch, he jumped on it and went right to sleep.

_Urahara Shop _

"So you gave Hanataro catnip just to see how he'll react to it?" Unohana asked, her smile gone and Kisuke shaking like a leaf under her look. "Y-y-yes."

The SWA were sitting behind while Konmamura and Mayuri was still in the Seireitei and Isane was sitting besides her captain.

The Fourth Division Captain simply closed her eyes and went down into the training space underneath the shop. A second later, everyone felt a small earthquake happen that shook the shop and rattled the walls before it finally stopped as Unohana came back up looking slightly more better than before.

Turning to the SWA, she said. "Alright I want you all to find and bring Hanataro back unharmed." When Hinamori and Nemu raised there hands, she added. "And yes that included sexual intercourse."

The large group of shinigami disappeared in Shunpo along with Yoruichi and Unohana turned back to Kisuke who was shaking again. "Don't worry Kisuke-san I'm not going to hurt you, I just need to show you something." She pulled out some notes she _borrowed _from the Twelfth when she went to get Mayuri and gave to Kisuke to look at.

_With Hanataro _

"~Purr~" Hanataro purred as Orihime gently scratched his back and she cooed at his cuteness. "Aw you can purr!" Turns out that the house he went into was Orihime's own and, while she was surprised to see him, she loved the way he looked.

She opened a can of tuna and gave it to Hanataro who quickly devoured it. "Someone's a hungry little cat." She gave him more tuna and he was soon full and yawned once more before going back to sleep.

Orihime then heard a knock on her door and went to open it to see Matsumoto standing there. "Hey Orihime! Listen I know that this is going to sound weird but have you seen Hanataro with cat ears and a tail?" Looking inside, she saw him laying on the couch taking a nap. "Hey you found him!"

Orihime nodded her head. "Actually he was here when I came back from shopping. By the way how did he get like this, not that I'm complaining." Both women watched him as he tossed and turned in his sleep, hands in front of him like a cat when they're sleeping.

"~Aw so cute." They said before Matsumoto snapped out of it. "Okay I have to take him back to Kisuke's shop, you want to follow?" Orihime nodded her head and picking up Hanataro, she grabbed her shoulder before disappearing in a Shunpo.

_Urahara Shop _

"I don't know how to tell you Unohana but I don't think I can change Hanataro back." Kisuke said looking over the notes Unohana gave him. "I mean this is pretty impressive and that is coming from me. He managed to alter Hanataro's DNA without any major changes but made sure that it is irreversible."

Unohana sighed and took back the notes. "I thought you might say that. Now how I am going to break this to Hanataro?"

Speaking of whom, Matsumoto came into the shop with said person in her arms sleeping and Orihime behind her. "I found him." Unohana nodded and told her to place him near her which she did. She then gently shook him making him wake up and look at his captain with tired eyes.

"Captain?" Unohana waited until he was fully awake, stretching himself like how a cat would when it wakes up, to say. "Hanataro I'm afraid I have some bad news."

**Well that is it for now! Also here's a little Omake for how Unohana got Mayuri.**

_-Omake: How Mayuri was captured by Unohana- _

"Curses! How could I forget about her!" Mayuri yelled as his hands were a blur over the keyboards that started the security programs. On the screen showed a red dot, the intruder, and in front of that was three major security points represented by green lines.

The red dot went into the first line before the line turned black. _"Warning! Intruder has gotten past the toxin gas and needles."_

"Damn it!" He kept one hand on the keyboard and the other on his Zanpakuto in case he needed a quick escape. The dot hit the second line which quickly went black as well._ "Warning! Intruder has gotten past the flamethrowers, spiked pit traps, and hounds."_

"Come on something stop her!" He watched the dot reached the last line and it held out for minute... before it turned black. Suddenly the massive steel doors that led to the room he was in was blown out and Mayuri drew his Zanpakuto and was about to stab himself in the neck when several needles hit his pressure points, making him freeze in place.

Unohana stepped forward to him, her smile long gone replaced with a glare that made the mad scientist want to hide under a rock. "Hello Captain Mayuri, I wish to discuss somethings with you about using my division members as test subjects."

The next ten minutes felt like hell to Mayuri as Unohana ruthlessly beat him with his own extra limbs that he kept around just in case.

**Well that is it for now. Leave a review on what you think about this chapter and enjoy your day!**


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